


Our Souls Are the Same

by admiralandrea



Series: Season 10 tags [1]
Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: Episode Tag, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-25 23:46:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16208195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/admiralandrea/pseuds/admiralandrea
Summary: A slashy alternative ending for S10E01 - To Live and Die in Mexico





	Our Souls Are the Same

**Author's Note:**

> Not written for Trope Bingo! I just had to do a slashy ending to the episode though, because I'm firmly convinced that Sam should realise he loves Callen and Callen has secretly always loved him. I'm a sap!

Sam was pleased he’d been put in the same room as his partner. It meant he’d noticed straight away when things started to go south for Callen. He saw his partner’s breathing start to become labored and he was writhing and moaning on the bed. Sam pressed his call button repeatedly, wishing there was more he could do, but with his leg elevated, he couldn’t move off his bed.

Fortunately, the staff were soon hurrying into the room. The curtain between their beds was pulled across, but Sam could still hear everything being said and done by the doctors. It didn’t take much to work out that an infection had set in to the site where Sam had had to cut open Callen’s chest in order to relieve the pressure of his collapsed lung. 

Sam wasn’t surprised, he’d had to act quickly in less than sterile surroundings, just to save Callen’s life. It didn’t stop him from feeling guilty, though. Although Callen had been holding his side often, Sam hadn’t really been aware of how badly hurt he was to start with, because he’d seemed fine and was getting around okay. Sam had been dealing with his own injuries on top of that and trying to find a way out for them, as well as worrying about Kensi and Deeks.

Eventually, the curtain was drawn back and most of the medical personnel filed out of the room. One of the doctors Sam recognized from earlier remained, along with a nurse.

“How is he Doctor Charles?” Sam asked anxiously.

The doctor gave a reassuring smile. “He’s going to be fine Sam,” she said. “He has an infection, which isn’t unexpected in the circumstances. It’s why we already had him on broad spectrum antibiotics, as a preventative measure.”

“You’ve put him on a ventilator though,” Sam pointed out.

The doctor put a hand on his arm. “That’s more to assist him with his breathing at the moment,” she said. “His body has been through a lot of trauma and with the infection as well, putting him on the ventilator means his body isn’t having to work as hard at breathing and makes it easier for him to fight the infection. I don’t expect him to need it for more than a couple of days, as the infection improves.”

Sam nodded, eyes fixed on the rise and fall of his partner’s chest. He’d come so close to losing Callen in that barn and he felt his emotions rise up at the thought. He was still dealing with his wife being gone and if he’d lost Callen as well, Sam didn’t know how he’d have gone on. He would, because his kids needed him to, but it would have been incredibly difficult for him.

The doctor patted his arm. “You need to get some rest Sam,” she told him. “The therapists will be here in a few hours to get you out of bed and started on moving, so you should sleep before then.”

“Yeah okay,” Sam agreed, knowing how important rest was to make sure he healed up as well.

“We’ll be keeping a close eye on Callen from the nurses station,” Doctor Charles said. “But if you’re concerned at all, feel free to call us again.”

“Thank you Doctor,” Sam said and slowly settled back on his pillows. It was hard to stop watching his partner breathe, but he was tired now and his eyes were closing almost against his will. With a long sigh, Sam gave in to the lure of sleep. Morning would be here before he knew it.

*

Sam spent the next few days alternating between watching his partner and walking the halls of the hospital as part of his physical therapy. He also took the opportunity to visit Kensi and Deeks while Deeks continued to recover. Kensi returned the favor and visited with Callen as well.

After a few days, the doctors decided that Callen had improved enough to no longer need the ventilator.

“We’ll need you to wait outside please, Mr Hanna,” a rather officious doctor told Sam.

Sam shook his head. “Not a good idea,” he said.

“Nothing to do with you,” the doctor replied before Sam could continue.

Fortunately, Dr Charles arrived right then. “Let’s hear what Mr Hanna has to say,” she intervened, clearly seeing Sam wasn’t happy with the doctor’s attitude.

“The last time G was extubated, he broke a doctor’s nose and tore his stitches,” Sam explained. He could still clearly recall how agitated his partner had been when he woke up after being shot five times.

“What happened?” Dr Charles asked. 

“They tried to restrain him because he got upset and he lashed out without knowing where he was or what was going on,” Sam explained. “They ended up having to sedate him and then when they tried again, I was there to let him know what was going on and that it was okay. That time it went fine.”

“Sounds like a no-brainer to me,” Dr Charles concluded. “Are you alright to stand at the head of the bed and keep talking to him Sam?”

“Of course,” Sam agreed with relief. He carefully moved into position and put a hand on his partner’s shoulder. Bending down, he spoke directly into Callen’s ear. “They’re going to take the tube out now G, so keep calm alright? Everything’s cool.”

Sam could see Callen’s eyes moving beneath the lids, but he could feel some relaxation in the muscles under his hand as well. He looked up and gave a nod to Dr Charles, who nodded back, before turning to the nurses.

Sam kept his eyes focused on Callen’s face, murmuring reassuring nonsense the way he had spoken to his children when they were upset as kids. Fortunately, the nurse was well practiced and the process went quickly and smoothly. Before long, most of the medical personnel had cleared out, leaving Sam with Dr Charles once more.

“Good work Sam,” she said with a smile. “I’ll check back in about half an hour, but any concerns before then, just buzz the nurses.”

“Thank you Doctor,” Sam said, smiling back. He maneuvered himself back into his seat at the side of the bed and reached out to hold Callen’s hand, as he watched his partner’s face again. It was clear that he was getting closer to waking up properly and Sam wanted Callen to know it was safe for him to do so.

As Sam continued to watch his partner, he remembered those few minutes in the barn, when he’d thought Callen was dead and there was nothing he could do about it. He felt emotions rise up in him and threaten to overwhelm him, as he flashed back to when he’d seen Michelle and realized she’d gone. Unconsciously, he squeezed Callen’s hand in his.

“Ow,” the mumbled word got Sam’s attention and he hastily swiped at his eyes, as he relaxed his grip on Callen’s hand.

“You with me partner?” Sam asked.

“’M I dying?” Callen asked, coughing a little.

Sam frowned, reaching for the call button. “What?” he asked, confused.

“Holdin’ my hand again,” Callen managed to say.

Sam refused to let go. “Just making sure you knew I was here,” he said, unable to make a joke about the situation.

Dr Charles came into the room at that moment, followed by a nurse. “Mr Callen, good to see you’re awake,” she said cheerfully.

Callen coughed again, so Sam stood up, putting an arm around his partner’s shoulders.

“Let’s get the head of the bed up,” Dr Charles said to the nurse. “It’ll make your breathing easier,” she added to Callen.

With the nurse’s help, Sam got Callen into a more comfortable position, before reluctantly stepping back.

“Can you give us a few minutes Sam?” Dr Charles asked. “I need to do a few checks that I expect your partner would like some privacy for.”

“Sure,” Sam agreed, forcing a smile onto his face. “I’ll just go down the hall and give Deeks and Kensi the good news.”

“Thank you,” the Doctor said.

Callen looked unhappy, but knew better than to argue about it. Sam nodded and slipped out of the room. He knew the rest of the team would be pleased to hear Callen was doing better and he wanted to see how Deeks was getting on as well, because Callen would be sure to ask once Sam got back in their room. 

As expected, Kensi and Deeks were delighted to hear that Callen was awake and making good progress at last. Deeks insisted he was doing much better as well and had been told he could get out of bed soon and start walking around.

“Perhaps we’ll be able to come down and see you and Callen later?” Kensi suggested eagerly.

“That sounds good,” Deeks agreed.

“As long as he’s up to it,” Sam said hesitantly. He wasn’t sure exactly how well his partner was really feeling and whether he’d be ready to see the other half of their team.

“Let us know Sam,” Kensi insisted.

Sam nodded. “I will,” he agreed. “But I’m going to head back now, I have my own appointment with the doctor and physical therapist soon.”

“Okay Sam, hopefully we’ll see you guys later then,” Deeks told him.

Sam nodded again and sketched a wave as he headed out the door. He was actually looking forward to resting in his bed for a bit, finding his leg beginning to protest the day’s exertions. Luckily, the trip back to his room was a short one and when he returned, he found his partner still awake and looking better.

“Hey, how you feeling G?” Sam asked immediately.

Callen gave him a genuine smile and Sam felt something catch in his chest at the sight, not sure why something so simple made him feel so emotional.

“Much better,” Callen told him. “The doctor was pleased with how things are going. I should be able to get out of bed in a couple of days.”

Sam gave a big grin at that. “That’s great news partner,” he said, going over to pat Callen on the shoulder.

“How are Deeks and Kensi?” Callen asked, as Sam settled in the chair with a grunt. “And what about your leg?” he looked anxious as he asked.

“We’re all doing fine G, you’re the one that’s been causing all the worry round here,” Sam said, not quite reaching the teasing tone he’d hoped for.

Callen looked at him seriously. “Are you sure you’re okay Big Guy?” he asked.

Sam forced a smile. “Maybe a bit tired,” he admitted.

Callen immediately looked guilty. “Why didn’t you just request your own room?” he asked. “I’m sure there’s enough space for that in a place this size.”

“No!” Sam said forcefully, then wincing when he saw his partner flinch. “No G, I didn’t want to do that,” he said more softly. “I needed to be able to see for myself how you were getting on.”

“Well, I guess that’s because we’re brothers,” Callen said hesitantly.

Sam reached out for his partner’s hand and was pleased when Callen let him take it. “Actually, at this point, I think it’s a bit more than that,” he admitted. “I know my timing sucks and this is probably the last thing you want to hear, especially when you have a girlfriend, but I think going through all this has made me realist that what I feel for you is not platonic, brotherly love.”

Sam hadn’t realized until he said it that it was how he felt, but saying the words out loud allowed him to admit the truth to himself as well.

“Losing you would have hurt just as much as losing Michelle did,” he told Callen quietly, staring at his partner’s face as he did so. Callen looked surprised, but not upset or angry, so Sam carried on. “It took coming so close to losing you in that barn to make me see that I love you as much as I love Michelle.” 

After Sam finished speaking, the only sound in the room was their breathing and sounds of the machinery still connected to Callen. Sam was reassured that his partner’s heart rate hadn’t increased enough to cause alarm out at the nursing station, but he could see it had risen from normal.

It was only his SEAL training that allowed Sam to keep sitting patiently in his chair, waiting for his partner to respond to him, hands still clasped together. Finally Callen spoke, his voice uncharacteristically quiet and serious and he hesitated over his words.

“I never expected this,” he said in an emotional tone. “I have to be honest and say that I had feelings for you a long time ago, when we first got partnered by Hetty. But then you told me you were married and I met Michelle, so I knew nothing would ever happen. I buried those feelings deep and tried to forget how I felt.”

Callen paused, coughing a little, so Sam quickly reached for the cup of water on his tray table and handed it over. Callen sipped the water slowly, before replacing the cup. He laced his fingers with Sam’s and squeezed tightly.

“It’s been hard,” he admitted. “I tried to be the kind of friend you deserved to have, to earn that title of brother, because I knew nothing else would ever happen. I’ve tried to make things work with first Joelle and then Anna, because I knew that was what you wanted me to do and what everyone expected of me. But I think deep down I knew it wouldn’t work out and I’d never really be myself with them, not the way I am with you.”

“That’s why you’ve never made a real effort with Anna, since she started at the ATF and moved to Glendale,” Sam guessed.

Callen nodded. “The distance was an excuse, then this business with Sokolov, but if I’m being brutally honest, I didn’t want to put in the effort, because she wasn’t what – or who – I really wanted.”

“So what does this mean for us?” Sam asked.

“I think that’s up to you Sam,” Callen told him. 

“No G,” Sam said firmly. “It’s up to both of us. You’re not getting out of making this decision. If we’re going to act on these feelings, it’s because we’ve both decided together it’s what we want to do.” 

“I have to speak to Anna first,” Callen admitted reluctantly. “I can’t start something with you until I tell her what’s going on. And that will have to wait until after I get out of here and back to L.A. She deserves me telling her the truth face to face.”

Sam nodded. “I agree,” he said. “But you do want to try?” he couldn’t help the note of hopefulness in his voice and was surprised by just how light he felt at the prospect.

“I do,” Callen nodded back firmly in agreement.

“Good,” Sam said with a laugh and he couldn’t help leaning forward to give his partner a kiss, despite what they’d just said.

Callen smiled as their mouths met and his hand squeezed Sam’s tightly, where they were still clasped together. Sam pulled back almost immediately, aware his partner was still recovering from a collapsed lung, but it had felt good to be able to connect that intimately, however briefly it had been.


End file.
